all the little things

Last night, joey came to pick me up in the car and we just sat in it at this strange park drank green tea and talked and whined to each other about our screwed up lives. I went home still feeling very down. Miles davis later i still couldn't sleep and zhong sms-ed me. He was sleepless and down too. So he asked me, wat am i sad about. i replied :"all the little things..." and i though about all the little things and drifted to sleep. So i woke up stll not feelin much better but perhaps letting it out will make them even smaller.

I'm stuck in this rut where i can't seem to dig up the love or motivation to progress in my music studies and i haven't got much time. I miss having someone regular in my life to share my day at the end. I miss having someone kiss me goodnight, good morning or hold my hands as we fall asleep. I had a crappy xmas and new year. It's lousy that i have problems opening up and relating to people. I've lost the ability to be sociable. I'm not cute and bubbly anymore. Erdi is still weak and skinny. I'm still broke. they've ended the runs of my favourite shows on tv. I'm stll and tired of having all these squabbles over nonsense. I have to teach everyday. I haven't been able to swim for the last week. I need new slippers cos my birkies have been ruined by all rain. I need to have afternoon tea with someone. I watched before sunset and cried for 2 days.

"Maybe it's true that if we lie long enough, our bodies get conditioned to it and we convince ourselves to believe. But then again, doesn't it some how come out later? It always does, be it a year or 5."
Foru can hang around a litlle longer, u will know that i'm not like that...It's time i go on about happy again. It's time :)